Boom Bitches
by Jinx13GXA
Summary: Modern AU. Natsu likes explosives, and due to his family's permits, he can't get in trouble for setting them off, as long as no one get's hurt of course. Crack taken seriously. Coauthored by: EndMyEternalSuffering and SummerBummin on Ao3 Check out our discord: h t t p s : / / discord .gg / vcUb3CJ


Natsu loved what he did for a living. Who else got to say they made homemade explosives for fun? The bright garage light illuminated the metal table that held what appeared to be a rather mediocre amount of items.

In fact, the average person would never be able to to put them all together.

The camera across from him turned on with a beep, and he flashed a bright smile at the audience that wasn't actually there.

"Hello my lovelies," he whisper shouted, "it is," he craned his neck to look at the clock behind him, "almost three in the morning, and I don't have any of my explosives. Long story short, my siblings are assholes and ruined them." He leaned onto the table, eyes narrowed in barely controlled rage, "it's payback time, fuckers."

A stick was quickly picked off the table as he twirled it effortlessly, "Those of you who have been here a while know what I'm doing with everything on this table. Those of you who haven't, well, this is how you make homemade firecrackers."

"I have paper, a stick, a file, matches, PVA glue, sandpaper, hot glue, and something to make a fuse with, in this case, sparklers. That's all you need." He picked up the stick and a pre cut piece of paper to wrap around it. He then sealed it with the PVA glue. He did this several more times before sitting it aside to dry. "What I just did makes the casing. The PVA glue will make it stronger, but because it takes a while to dry," he paused as he pulled out several finished casings, "I made some earlier."

"Next we make the backing." He started making small balls with the paper and lodging them in the ends of the casings. "After you put the paper in, fill the back with hot glue to seal it." Natsu quickly finished the rest of the casings, and pulled out his phone the moment he was done. "You all are losing it in the chat tonight. That excited for my revenge?"

He held up the screen to the camera to show off the quickly moving chat screen. "Now the next thing you do," he said as he walked back to the table, "is file the match heads into a box of some kind. You can also use gunpowder for this, but I'm looking to scare the shit out of them not scar them permanently. This is also something I've predone to save time."

"You'll also need to file the side of the matchbox to create another powder that you're going to mix in, but for those of us who are extra, we just mix the ingredients from the striking surface ourselves. I mean, it's just red phosphorus, powdered glass, and an adhesive that you don't even need. Urea formaldehyde, for those of you who are curious." He pulled out the mentioned powders and began mixing them in a loose ratio.

"Now that I have them mixed, and this is only about five matches, by the way. Forgot to mention that. Anyways, now that I have them mixed, I'm going to pour that into one of the casings." He filled about half of them before stopping. "Make sure they're dry before you put the powder in. Bad things happen if you don't."

He started rummaging through "So now we make the fuse." He started cutting the ends off of sparklers and setting aside the longer pieces. He took strips of paper and wrapped it around the bottom of the sparkler until it fit snugly into the casing. "Now the reason you need the paper is because sparkles don't have any oxidizing agent. This will give it room to breathe after we hot glue the fuse in place." He finished the rest of them off in silence before stringing them together.

"Alright, so I made sure everyone watched a movie together and fell asleep in the living room. I'm going to go light these fuckers." He left the room, and the video remained quiet for about ten minutes before he came back. "Sorry guys, I forgot the fucking camera like the dumbass I am." He grabbed it and began walking through the house that all his viewers has seen several times before, and paused outside of the living room. "Now since I haven't said this yet, I'll say it now. Don't try this at home kids."

He pulled open the door silently, so far everything was going to plan. His "family", Igneel, Gajeel, Rogue, Sting, Wendy, Grandine, and Laxus were all still asleep.

Then both he and the camera made eye contact with a very awake Erik, or Cobra as the internet dubbed him. He and one of his best friends stared at each other for a solid minute, the buzzing of the chat log on Natsu's phone never stopping. Natsu held out the camera for Cobra to take.

The half asleep man smirked as he took it and flipped it around to film the chaos that was coming.

The firecrackers were in a metal pail and their fuses had been tied together for easier lighting. He lit the ends and went to move behind the camera with his chaotic friend. The boom of the firecrackers had effectively woken everyone up and sent them into a wild frenzy. "That's what you get when you take away my explosives, assholes!"

For anyone who was watching at home, this is where the video ended.

Doranbolt and Lahar stalked their way down the street, eyes downcast as they sighed heavily. Their badges glinting the blaring light, slightly blinding them. Lahar turned to his partner before huffing softly.

"Another failure. We cannot keep this up! We're going to be the laughing stock at this rate!" The man just about had it, something needed to be done, and fast.

Doranbolt merely shook his head at the other. "You know we can't, he's technically not breaking the law, and he hasn't harmed anyone. Yet," the last part came out in a low murmur.

Lahar gritted his teeth and shook his head, frustration was something that rarely happened for the usually calm and collected man. "I know that! You've no need to remind me."

Doranbolt eyes squinted as he glanced up at the blinding sun. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his and Lahar's radios buzzed. A voice cut through the static before letting out calm yet panicked cry.

"WE GOT A 10-80! Went off in a backyard!"

Doranbolt and Lahar shot up straight immediately, before realizing what the code stood for.

Lahar sighed before clicking the button to talk, "Let me guess, 4782 34th street."

A pause on the other end, "H-How do you know?"

Lahar sighed, before transmitting his voice again, "We are, familiar with the culprit. He's not doing any harm, so call everyone back."

"But-"

" Now !"

The voices stopped transmitting back and forth, and Doranbolt turned to his partner.

"Did you have to be so rude?"

"Yes, otherwise the damn deputy wouldn't listen. We just need to wait for the Dragneel boy to cause trouble. Although I hope it never happens. " Lahar murmured at the end, both to himself, and his partner.

" THOSE GODDAMN DRAGNEELS AND THEIR PERMITS! "


End file.
